I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
