3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
