So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize