The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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