and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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