Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
