Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
