Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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