he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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