Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i will never coherently bang her
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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