Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
