Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
