dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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