did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We need to get me chipped asap
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