You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
