careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
