I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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