chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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