my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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