I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
he had hair everywhere except his balls
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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