i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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