He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
