How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
