he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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