...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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