Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my being single is dangerous.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And then he peed in my hair
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