Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
