she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
