just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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