obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
