all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i will never coherently bang her
he was CRYING into my vagina
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
