is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
