if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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