WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
