he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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