I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
