I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
