You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
