just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
