Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize