Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
