I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
