a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Randomize
