I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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