How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
