I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
