there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
