is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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