i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
