Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
