That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
