i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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