You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
