i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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