Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
