It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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