Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
