If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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