3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She told me I should be a condom model.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize