Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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