My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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