Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
