im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
