I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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