i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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