I puked a lego.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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