i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
