if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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