So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
