He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
