I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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