The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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