Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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