my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
