Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
