You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
