my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
