The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
