Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Michael Bay diarrhea
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
