This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
