You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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