His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
3pm strippers are depressing
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
