Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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