what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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