Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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