It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
