I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
