no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
