its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
