I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
operation harelip BJ is a go
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
