I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My penis needs a shock collar
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
