My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
