I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Never underestimate the power of titties
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