found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
